Third week into my university, I’m understanding the truth – I care a lot more than I expected.
The past two years, staying online, I was able to give less damns and have built a comfortable bubble, focusing my efforts into building routine and exploring ideas. However, as I have to be in a physical presence, I transitioned into caring a lot about how I was being portrayed.
Instead of focusing on the lecture, I would wonder if anyone would think and I was judging the environment around me. This judgmenet has a double edged sword as it comes back to you.
When talking with my brother about a text I sent, it was an aha moment. I met these two people in my economics class who I want to build life long relationships with. However, as I’m touching into uncertain territory with jokes, I was judging and seeing how it could be taken.
I was giving too much weight to each action and constructing myself instead of just being me.
Being me is a long term strategy I prefer to play as few are willing to accept. However, those few are much more valuable than the short term ones who are there to enjoy for the short term. I miscalculate and weigh too much upon the short term. I overestimated how much I cared. I do care. I am very social and want to seem of significance to someones’ life. However, this is not how I want to construct my life.
I want to construct life upon genuineness and accept failure and get to that point quicker instead of dragging it out. Some people is meant to hold and develop, some might not be willing to and that’s okay. Don’t be afraid of failures in relationship. Be unapologetically yourself and strive on.
You still have long ways to go to callous your mind. Continue on young one.